When I exam my motivation for service, I find that I do need recognition sometimes. I was not happy when one of my cell group member told me J supported him for last year’s fellowship retreat. Truth is that I also donated and gave money to J for people in need. But she told one of them that she supported him. I felt it’s unfair that she got all the credit.
The Lord help me to see that He is healing me of sibling rivalry. I am jealousy of her always get the attention and I am neglected at the same time. I confessed to God for my sin of jealousy and ask God to give me a clean heart to love Jennifer. I see her as a dear sister who is happy in nature and have genuine care for people around her. So I learn to focus my eyes on people’s need instead on mine. I am more content now.
This Saturday our fellowship went to Trump Golf Course hiking. Jennifer is center of attention again. But I am happy for her and praise her from my heart that she did a good job in coordination and planning.
Leading Sunday service worship is one that standing in front of congregation. Many people seek to lead worship. I exam my motivation of no strong desire to do it. I feel it takes too much of my time and energy. But my pastor’s wife who coordinates thinks I should not waste God’s gift and training. So I agree to lead one time in next quarter.
My motivation for life is to love God and dedicate my life to witness for His Glory. In the process I love and be loved. This is the best possible life I can imagine.
As to Secrecy in service, most I do is to fast and pray for the sick in church and the needs of my friends. I gave smiles to people and talked with an old lady in the super market. I also shared with a lady in Post Office that I had 12 surgeries when she was depressed that she had 10 surgeries from her breast cancer. She seamed felt better that finally there was someone understanding her feeling.
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